I’m Not A Cool Girl, And That’s Ok

I’m not a cool girl when it comes to guys, and I am 100% ok with that. I realised this as a I wiped a bloke out of my life who made me feel I had to be cool, when actually it just allowed him to justify treating me badly & being a twat!

im not a cool girl

Whilst searching for the best description of ‘cool girl’ I couldn’t find anything more fitting than this quote from Gone Girl, one of my girlfriends told me about it and although it’s long, it hits the nail on the head so read it all…

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chilli dogs that much – no one loves chilli dogs that much!”

Let that sink in. I don’t know about you but I have spent far too large portion of my dating life striving to be the cool girl. I’m not the cool girl, I’ll tell you what I am though; I’m passionate and live life that way, I’m stubborn with high expectations, I don’t put up with shit from anyone, I speak my mind, I stand my ground and I fall in lust easily but truly in love rarely.

I'm not a cool girl

Although I tick a lot of the stereotypical definitions of a Cool Girl; I drink beer. I watch sport. Junk food is my jam. I like a large dose of inappropriate chats and I’m a fan of giving blowjobs. However, there is much, much more to me that makes me everything but the Cool Girl, here are just a few of those things…

  1. I expect a guy I’m dating/sleeping with to fucking text me back in a timely manner, seriously you know I can see that you have read my WhatsApp message, and you know I can see you’re online but you’re going to take 5 days to reply to me. Thanks, but no thanks!
  2. Also, I DO NOT want to talk about sex with your over message on a dating app when we’ve been chatting for a few days. You wanna talk dirty with me I’m good with that, once we’re dating and exclusive, and don’t even go there asking me for naughty pictures, that’s a boyfriend perk not a random guy in an app perk!
  3. Don’t make plans with me last minute and expect me to be chill about it all the time. It makes me feel like shit when I’m clearly the last option for you. They say that if a guy wants to see you he will make time, and if he doesn’t he will make excuses.
  4. I have needs, but am not needy, don’t mistake the two. Wanting to see you, speak to you, wanting to be made a priority from time to time, these things DO NOT MAKE ME NEEDY!
  5. I have my own life, but if things are going well, I want you to be a part of it, and I want to be a part of your life. That means meeting the family, meeting friends. If you’re not ok with that, then I have no time for you
  6. I’m a relationship girl, I don’t want to sleep with you then “see how things go” NOPE NOPE NOPE, you wanna get frisky with me, you need to have put in the work first. You know date me, revolutionary!

These things might seem like standard things to expect, but Lordy let me tell you that I haven’t met a guy in YEARS who wants to actually date, not just ‘see’ each other but actually commit to dating me. I thought it was maybe something to do with me, but the more I talk about it with single friends the more I’ve realised that it’s most likely a modern thing, a ‘have everything and have it now’ mentality. Online dating has a lot to answer for, and I am just as guilty of chatting to 3-4 guys at the same guy.

I'm not a cool girl

I’m a complicated being, we all are, and guys just as much as girls, but I’m standing my ground now and I’m not trying to be the Cool Girl. Instead I am standing by my belief that I am worth more than not texting back, worth treating with respect and worth working for. I honestly think that if you are a cool girl just naturally then go you, but I genuinely believe that striving to be the Cool Girl is harmful.

Bye bye Cool Girl, you are not welcome here!

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