I’m overweight. Fat, chubby, chunky, obese…the list of adjectives goes on. And I am not ok with it, and I’m here to tell you it’s 100% ok to not be ok being overweight. I realise in this day and age it’s a controversial thing to say, but in the age of shape and size acceptance and embracing who you are, but with that seems to be stigma around wanting to change your body.
Let me say this though, whatever size you are/want to be, you do you. I have no interest in your body or what you think of it, if embracing who you are and the shape/size you are is what’s best for you then awesome. However, as with all tide-changes, there seems to be an all or nothing approach which leaves people like me, who want to get back to the weight they are happy at, criticised and made to feel like we’re contributing to the stigma around being anything but ‘normal’ size.
As the years have passed, I’ve changed hugely, size a shape wise, I’m 5ft 2 and spent up until age 24 being around a size 12/14, then after the breakdown of a relationship and the death of my dad, I packed on the weight. I don’t say that lightly either *pun entirely intended* I put on 2 stone in about 6 months and then systematically about a stone a year, creeping up to the weight I have now been for 3 years, and let me tell you, I’m not a fan.
Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t love myself, because I really do, but my version of loving myself is wanting to be the best version of myself and I know that having all my ducks in a row, work, family, friends etc, the only thing that’s holding me back is not being the weight I want to be, the weight I know that I am naturally and that being overweight is the result of eating junk food, leaning on food and using it as a crutch. That crutch has been replaced now, and in turn the weight needs to go!
Luckily, I have the benefit of being ‘acceptably’ fat, as in I have an hourglass shape, a smaller waist, wider hips and big boobs which makes shopping somewhat easier. In all honesty though, it’s not a lack of clothes available to be that makes me want to lose weight, it’s the simple fact that being fat doesn’t make me happy, or indeed healthy.
Before you all scream at me that higher weight doesn’t mean worse health, I agree that it doesn’t always, but in a lot of cases, mine included, it really does. I still go to the gym, but my heart isn’t as healthy as it was when I was working out the same amount but I was 4 stone lighter. That’s not the case for everyone, but that’s exactly my point. We’re so quick to bunch people together, be it slimmer means healthy, fat means unhealthy, but how could that possibly be correct when as humans we are our own entities and entirely unique?
Whilst I stand shoulder to shoulder with women like Tess Daly, Callie Thorp and the raft of other incredible women who are forcing the views of the many to be readdressed, I also need it to be ok for women to want to lose weight and not be told as I have been by far too many women that I am ‘letting women down’, ‘supporting the negative connotations of being overweight’ and worst of all ‘being anti-feminist’ – none of these things are true.
If you want to stay the weight you are, great.
Wanna up your muscle mass, great.
Super toned your goal, great.
If you don’t want to talk about, read about or even think about weight, great.
But if acceptance is the aim of the game, then let’s make a pact that if we can’t or won’t be supportive of women who want to loose weight, that we don’t pass comment on it. In fact that should be a goal for us all, don’t pass comment on others, for any reason.
So here’s my plan, work hard on it just as I do with all things in my life, do it my way and don’t ask for opinion or thoughts of others, I may share some of it, but it’s not a topic that’s open for discussion. It’s my weight, it’s my business.
Incredible photos by Kaye Ford, Jumpsuit Marks & Spencer