Internet Inadequacy

It’s been a hot minute since I last talked about life on here, there’s been a lot of pretty things, not a lot life thoughts and that’s not the purpose of this blog. This is the first post in I don’t know how long with one solitary image, rather than the aesthetics of it I want to words to do the talking.

A few weeks ago I headed down to London to the IRL Panel event with Emma & Laura, since then I’ve fallen in love with listening to Emma’s podcast, Ctrl Alt Dlt, where she chats with other humans who thrive on the internet. Emma is a breath of fresh air, it’s so lovely to hear an English voice talking about the wonderful world of blogging, social media and general internetting.

I’ve just listened to episode 15 with Liv, and it resonated with me, the post I had originally written with this title was a rant about how false bloggers lives appear and the impact that has not only on viewers bank accounts but also on their sense of well-being and even self-confidence. Internet inadequacy is a thing, a thing I didn’t think I would struggle with and yet here I am writing a blog post about it.

I stand by what I was going to write, and I have included some of the planned post below.

I’m renovating my lovely home as we speak, new bathroom already in and kitchen imminent, the planning and research that has gone into the renovations has been almost all-consuming at times. Where once I would have turned to interiors magazines, I have instead found myself digitally sifting through blogs and using them as inspiration.

comparison is the thief of joy

Every time I’ve found something I love on a blog, Instagram or YouTube video I’ve followed up and found the items I love online, mostly from places like Madewell, Made, Dwell and the most popular West Elm. I love the pieces, the stunning book cases, the desks and dressing tables that make me swoon, and leave me feeling very deflated when I see the price tags. Internet inadequacy at its finest.

I don’t want to seem as though I begrudge anyone, blogger or not, lovely things, simply that the aspiration to ‘live like a blogger’ rather than just dress and makeup like one is reaching fever pitch.

Look at the wealth of bloggers bringing out ‘lifestyle’ books, sharing intimate insights into their lives.

My struggle, how intimate are they really?

I don’t expect bloggers to share every aspect of their lives, to share the dirty dishes, the unmade bed or the fights with their loved ones. What I find hard though is as a 30-year-old, I feel inadequate reading a lot of these blogs, blogs run by girls in the most part who are significantly younger than me. My home will never look like the pages of a magazine and I am ok with that, so why am I not ok with it not looking like a bloggers home.

It’s not just the home hauls, or even the products they have, it’s the stunning photography, the wonderful comments that are left on the blogs they write and the photos they share, it’s the people I see them being. I feel inadequate, and that is tough.

I’m sure I’m not the only person to feel this way, it’s in my mind just the next logical step on from feelings of unattainability told by glossy magazines of the lives of celebrities.

Liv & Emma talked about the reality of social media and blogging, about the realness of what is shared online. Liv talks about how she uses here Instagram as more of a business page, and the reality of her life, the drinks with friends, the pj nights on the sofa with her boyfriend would be spoilt somehow by stopping them to capture the moment to share with the world & I guess that’s what made me change my outlook a little on the whole ‘bloggers made me do it’ attitude I have been experiencing recently.

Liv says something so unbelievably poignant “if I went for afternoon tea and didn’t share a picture of it, did it really happen?”

More and more I find myself agonising over the next photo to share on my Instagam, is in ‘on brand’, does it fit with my pre determined aesthetics, will it help me intrigue more users and in turn inspire them to follow me and digitally high-five me by double tapping my picture?

I think to myself, should I have a theme to my Instagam, white background and fresh colours?

Then I’m sad for even thinking about that, for thinking that I need to curate my life online to such a degree. I think maybe to balance how I feel about others I need to be the one with the ‘real’ feed, with the honest blog posts about the reality of life, not just the shiny parts.

Honestly, I’m at an impasse, I love the internet, I love the freedom to write and create, but I don’t like some of the effects it seems to have on me.

I don’t want to feel inadequate because I don’t have marble backgrounds, an olympus pen camera or a West Elm book shelf.

I would love to know if anyone else has felt the same, and more than that I would love to know the blogs you read, videos you watch, instagrammers you follow, that make you feel inspired and as far from inadequate as humanly possible.

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