Let me break some shocking news to you, single women are not sad sacks who need a never-ending wave of go out and get ’em advice *especially if it comes from married or settled folk* I’m sure the givers of advice think they are doing us lonely, desperate singletons a favour but to be honest its patronising, pointless and to be honest, fucking irritating. A few years back I wrote a piece about all the shit single people are sick of hearing and I thought it was due an upgrade, as the last few years have added a few more to the list of annoying comments!
1. “It’ll happen when you least expect it”
Oh right yeah, that sounds like awesome advice! I’ll just idly walk around not looking for it, you know cos that works really well when on the hunt for jobs, houses or lost hair grips.
I should just stop looking, and the wonder of the universe will deliver Mr Right to me when I least expect it? Is that what you’re saying to me? Whilst in the next breath telling me I need to ‘put myself out there’ more! It’s bullshit and the worst of it is, the person saying it knows it. Whilst I agree that scurrying around nose to the ground on the hunt for a boyfriend would look disturbing. But let me tell you lot who think you weren’t looking when you found your ‘significant other’ when you met them; in some way, shape or form, you were!
2. “Are you seeing anyone?”
I’ve been single for 7 years Marjorie, don’t you think if there was a bloke in my life I would be shouting it from the roof tops and wearing an A-board announcing my newly reactivated sex life and hand holding partner in crime.
How about this, when I know there’s a man in my life, you will!
3. “Why are you still single?”
This belongs in the same shitty pile as the suggestion you think back to where you last had something you have lost. IF I FUCKING KNEW THAT I WOULDN’T BE SINGLE WOULD I?
What do you want me to say? Seriously, what do you want my response to that question to be?
4. “Maybe you need to stop being so picky!”
Erm, no! Nope I need to keep my standards high thank you very much, would you suggest that I should lower my expectations in life generally? Maybe go on shitter holidays, have less fun? Nope, didn’t think so!
5. “What about kids?”
What about them? They tend to be small, loud and expensive…
6. “Aren’t you lonely?”
Nope, not one bit, as unlike popular opinion would have you believe, I have more going on in my life that the eternal search for someone to monogamously bump uglies with. I have you know, a job, friends, hobbies, family, not to mention I actually not only can cope with my own company I actively enjoy it.
7. “You should try Tinder/Match/Other Random Dating Sites. Have you tried them?”
Yes, yes I have. I have the disappointment, dick pics and distinct taste of bittnerness in my mouth from it. I’ve also tried speed dating, being set up by mates, chatting to guys in bars, meeting people through work…
Single women…thoughts? Anything you’d like to add?